zombiesitcom.com

Diana

2011-12-21T15:51:00.002-05:00

I am hilarious

2011-07-06T19:40:00.002-04:00

One time I had to have some dental surgery. When I went in to the doctor, they gave me some crazy strong medicine that made me pass out in ten seconds. The next thing I remember, I was sitting in a room, where my girlfriend told me that it was all over. I smiled and closed my eyes.

"This is awesome," I thought, and opened my eyes again. When I closed my eyes, I would immediately start dreaming. When I opened my eyes, it was back to reality. I tried to explain this to my girlfriend, but it came out more like:

"Watch! When I close my eyes, I hallucinate." And then I closed my eyes to show her.

Ugh

2011-06-29T14:46:00.002-04:00

On the ship, one of my castmates, Kate, was constantly disgusted at my antics. Like, during dinner, if I began to clitorally stimulate the crab leg I was eating, she would drop her fork, say "Ugh!" and turn away. I think that she actually had to leave the table a couple of times.

The other night, one of my ATL castmates asked me, in front of a paying audience, "Why are you so sick?" This was his reward for scoring the most "points" in the first half of the show: He could ask any cast member one question. This was the question he chose to ask. So then I had to explain to the audience why I "mimesturbate" on my "friends and colleagues" before a show.

I don't know where I'm going with all this. Maybe it's time to make a change.

Psych!

I Pity The Fool

2010-08-24T19:15:00.001-04:00

Hmmm...Who Knew?

2010-08-11T17:56:00.000-04:00

Black people can't swim. News at 11.

With Great Power...

2010-07-25T19:46:00.000-04:00

...comes great acting. This guy's like Christian Bale Jr!

Fine, Like Wine...

2010-07-10T13:08:00.002-04:00

Mark Twain waits 100 years to release his autobiography. The wait is over.
“It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden.”

Your Love Is My Drug

2010-07-08T01:55:00.000-04:00

Study finds evolutionary purpose for a broken heart.

A Message To BP

2010-06-14T15:40:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_5aKpWmxus&feature=player_embedded

Passed Life

2010-05-15T03:01:00.001-04:00

Fox's supernatural drama "Past Life" will air its remaining episodes starting Friday, May 28th. Fingers crossed that my ep airs!

A Surprise to Noone

2010-05-08T18:41:00.001-04:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/10095730.stm

Microsoft steady losing market share to all the other browsers that are actually good.

XBoxin

2010-04-29T20:15:00.002-04:00

The PS3 Media Server is awesome! Download it, make sure your XBox is networked, then bing! Zang! Powee! You've got access to all the video files on your computer, and you can watch them on your XBox.

Hooray!

America!

67 Years Ago Today

2010-04-16T03:51:00.000-04:00

Albert Hofmann discovers LSD.

Unsolved Mysteries is Effing Creepy

2010-04-14T01:37:00.002-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVPsPGv1wVg

Fuckin Magnets, How Do They Work?

2010-04-12T20:45:00.002-04:00

Insane Clown Posse - "Miracles"

I wish these motherfuckers would rhyme about some dope ass osmosis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-agl0pOQfs

When Is A Camera An AK-47?

2010-04-06T16:29:00.002-04:00

When you're in New Baghdad, apparently.

Ugh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rXPrfnU3G0&feature=player_embedded

Big Daddy

2010-04-02T20:17:00.002-04:00

I just found the best thing ever. Bioshock 2 toys! A hypodermic syringe for EVE, a Big Daddy doll and a Big Daddy Action Figure.

Win!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/

Noah Wyle Beats Up a Fat Dude.

2010-03-31T18:02:00.001-04:00

Roflz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0oUqyDEt6s&feature=player_embedded

Cary Grant Trips Out

2010-03-24T07:10:00.001-04:00

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2010/03/his-girl-lsd-the-cary-grant-experience.html

A Love Song for Richard Alpert

2010-03-23T16:44:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6UCZqV5m3Q

Talking Cookie Jar: Internet Celebrity?

2010-03-20T17:27:00.002-04:00

No, but he was featured on ChatTROLLette, because of his experiences on Chatroulette.

http://chattrollette.com/?p=1244

Remembering Willie Horton

2010-03-14T18:09:00.004-04:00

Fascinating Wikipedia entry on Lee Atwater, the man who made Rove.

A quote from the dying Atwater, who destroyed many of his opponents, including Dukakis in '88:

"My illness helped me to see that what was missing in society is what was missing in me: a little heart, a lot of brotherhood. The '80s were about acquiring — acquiring wealth, power, prestige. I know. I acquired more wealth, power, and prestige than most. But you can acquire all you want and still feel empty. What power wouldn't I trade for a little more time with my family? What price wouldn't I pay for an evening with friends? It took a deadly illness to put me eye to eye with that truth, but it is a truth that the country, caught up in its ruthless ambitions and moral decay, can learn on my dime. I don't know who will lead us through the '90s, but they must be made to speak to this spiritual vacuum at the heart of American society, this tumor of the soul."

Youtube after dark

2010-03-11T22:22:00.002-05:00

Youtube signs off for the night.

Tales From The Kanyeverse

2010-03-03T16:21:00.001-05:00

"I never felt completely comfortable. I'm tormented by the need to create."

Kanye talks College Dropout...

'Who's that African in the background mom? Oh he created the original layouts for the pyramids but was written out the history books and his MTV award was given to “aliens”.'

A Roger Ebert Story

2010-03-02T15:07:00.000-05:00

"'I've been around a long time, and young men, if there is one thing I know, it is that the only way to kiss a girl for the first time is to look like you want to and intend to, and move in fast enough to seem eager but slow enough to give her a chance to say "So anyway ..." and look up as if she's trying to remember your name.'

Ebert's writing is gentle, calm and infectious. He trusts his readers not to be morons. He writes for who he imagines to be the ideal reader, which is actually the reader we all wish ourselves to be. Those who thought of him as the fat man with the thumb always missed the point. He became who he was because of his work. He did it the right way."

My Roger Ebert Story by Will Leitch

Well, Cock and Balls

2010-03-02T06:18:00.001-05:00

It looks like my episode might someday see daylight later this season.

Fox cancels Past Life.

The Internet Is The Best Thing Evar

2010-03-01T18:49:00.003-05:00

Millions of years of evolution has brought us to this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVs-ye658As

thanks CDub!

Dick Style

2010-02-28T17:49:00.001-05:00

Death Bed Subtext w/ Topher Grace & Kate Bosworth from Topher Grace

The Hottest Mistress

2010-02-25T16:30:00.001-05:00

Howard Stern is sponsoring a $100k beauty contest featuring the many mistresses of Tiger Woods. Fore!

They Should Rename Them The LA Poondogs

2010-02-24T16:37:00.000-05:00

"As it had for generations of Lakers before him, the club life in Los Angeles posed an irresistible playground for Johnson. After all, there were thousands of beautiful young women, and there was only one Magic Johnson."

Gaga, ooh lala.

2010-02-18T19:03:00.000-05:00

“What I wanna impress upon people is that you can become whoever you wanna be. Music is the place where I’m allowed to be as strange as I am.”

Dying, Like All of Us

2010-02-16T14:40:00.002-05:00

Roger Ebert is shaking, his entire body is shaking, and he's still hitting the button, bang, bang, bang, and he's shouting now. He's standing outside on the street corner and he's arching his back and he's shouting at the top of his lungs.

Ebert, via Twitter: "For Lent I am giving up eating and drinking."

John Mayer is Offensive.

2010-02-13T03:47:00.002-05:00

I had no idea. It seems like a kind of therapy session. Maybe this reporter is just that good. But some of his quotes I like:

"Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to."

"Maybe that’s the douche bag part of it. Maybe I’m so meta-aware that it’s off-putting to people. But I’m old enough to know I need to change. I’m getting tired of the illusion of control. I think I’ve made my best record now, at my lowest point of confidence."

Guh-What?! --
"PLAYBOY: You were addicted to Jessica Simpson?

MAYER: Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm."

"When I’m fucking you, I’m trying to fuck every man who’s ever fucked you, but in his ass, so you’ll say 'No one’s ever done that to me in bed.'"

Oh man, just go read it, I could post these nuggets all night.

Griefers

2010-02-12T15:07:00.006-05:00

Here's the play Christian and I wrote. It's awesome!

Brian Cox Master Class

2010-02-11T17:02:00.001-05:00

Past Lifes

2010-02-07T23:33:00.003-05:00

Ooh, the new Fox show Past Life starts this Tuesday night at 9pm. Why is this awesome? I'll let you know if episode #7 ever airs...

Flash Sideways

2010-02-04T15:37:00.000-05:00

Side by Side on 815

5 Things Hollywood Reuses More Than Plots

2010-02-03T16:54:00.000-05:00

From Cracked.com

griefers

2010-02-02T02:31:00.001-05:00

i think c dub sent me this...

Fuckin Juggalos

2010-01-26T15:30:00.001-05:00

Robert Loggia Day!

2010-01-25T16:53:00.001-05:00

2010-01-25T16:51:00.000-05:00

Shhh, Don't Tell Steve

2010-01-14T15:27:00.001-05:00

Name: Steve Roommate
Location: Steve's Apartment
Bio: This is a twitter page where I secretly tweet about what my roommate Steve is doing at all times.

War on Leather Ends Badly

2010-01-09T18:07:00.000-05:00

ROFLZ!

Activists Missing After Declaring “War on Leather” at Motorcycle Rally

I Wish I Hadn't Seen This Coming

2010-01-08T20:49:00.003-05:00

Artie Lange, troubled comedian and cohort of Howard Stern, has attempted suicide. This is sad news. I hope this guy gets better.

kick ass

2010-01-05T14:37:00.003-05:00

There's no way I can wait til April to see this.

Shark Attack 3

2009-12-30T12:37:00.001-05:00

Never heard of this classic until last night. Now I kinda have to see it.

There's a line so bad that you won't believe it made it into the movie.

Yeah, It's for real

2009-12-29T15:27:00.001-05:00

Major Lazer

2009-12-25T20:35:00.001-05:00

A video directed by Eric from Tim and Eric. Kind of amazing.

Yung Dick's skinny jeans anthem

2009-12-23T00:04:00.001-05:00

Dark Liquor = Devil

2009-12-20T16:26:00.000-05:00

Dark Liquor Makes For Worse Hangovers.

via Wired

2009-12-12T18:22:00.002-05:00

From Postsecret.

Yahtzee!

2009-12-07T13:38:00.002-05:00

Yahoo is being the biggest bunch of nazis.

Nah, I'm playin. They're really awesome. They've created a convenient pricing list for selling everything you've ever done on their servers to the US Government.

You go, yahoo!

Snacks and Shit

2009-12-05T20:12:00.002-05:00

An in depth analysis of the stupidest rap lyrics on earth.

Par Example.

The Carter on Youtube

2009-12-01T12:32:00.000-05:00

Gaga does Tannenbaum

2009-11-29T16:36:00.001-05:00

Tonster1988 says: "killer ass beats. I love this song but kinda fill weird listening to this song. but people still have sex during christmas."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PolcJd2eh-w

How Cupcakes is Born.

2009-11-28T16:12:00.001-05:00

When a muffin and a unicorn fall in love they have cupcake.

Digital Tattoos

2009-11-22T16:01:00.002-05:00

I want one of these for Christmas. Oh well, maybe Christmas 2040...

I Have Mix Fillins

2009-11-20T01:47:00.002-05:00

The other day, on a shoot, an extra, told to act nervous and apprehensive, posed a very apt question...

"What does apprehensive mean?"

Today, at a movie theater, during the scariest part of Paranormal Activity, an audience member asked a not so apt question...

"Is she jacking off? It look like she jacking off..."

I hate everyone.

Gaga

2009-11-18T20:23:00.000-05:00

Bad Romance

She's so fucking weird. I love her.

P90 Ouch

2009-11-15T16:10:00.002-05:00

Here's a pretty in-depth review of the ins and outs of P90X. If you've been in a cave for the past year or two, P90X is an extremely challenging exercise routine. I'm on day 48 right now, and have never felt better. There is an awesome mix of routines, alternating between weight training to weight-free days (yoga, stretching and plyometrics,) keeping your body fresh and active every day of the week. (The stretching day, an hour of stretching!!!!, is optional.)

Pokerface Cover

2009-11-13T18:32:00.001-05:00

Youtube + awesome video/audio editing technology = Everybody makes awesome homemade videos.

Oh Noes!

2009-11-13T02:52:00.001-05:00

This is so wrong.

The Carter

2009-11-09T21:04:00.004-05:00

Have you preordered your copy yet? Comes out next Tuesday. The trailer will send chills down your spine. For realzies.

The Awesomest News You've Heard Today

2009-10-30T21:41:00.001-04:00

Original lost cut of Metropolis premiering soon.

Oooooh!

For the Passionate Autograph Hunter

2009-10-29T20:56:00.000-04:00

Brilliant!

Dis Dat Coo Shit

2009-10-27T20:00:00.003-04:00

Fuck, these are awesome!

via kanyeblog

Lil Weezy Gets A Year

2009-10-26T18:47:00.001-04:00

Lil Wayne's going to prison for a year, as he pled to a gun charge in NY.

Kitty Cake

2009-10-26T17:54:00.002-04:00

Oh man I wanna make this so bad.

Olafur Eliason

2009-10-25T01:26:00.002-04:00

Eliason is an artist that did a waterfall installation in New York.

The Southern Mothers bust out some rhymes to the "A Milli" beat.

That is all you need to know.

White House calls Bullshit

2009-10-24T15:38:00.001-04:00

“We simply decided to stop abiding by the fiction ... that Fox is a traditional news organization.”

From Ye Olde MeFi.

...you're cool...

2009-10-18T04:26:00.000-04:00

Brilliant!

This is Really Creepy

2009-10-16T02:39:00.007-04:00

This is sooo fucking creepy. Maybe I'm just overly creeped out by police sketch art. It's just so sinister to me.

Update: Seriously, my eyes are watering from the creepiness. I just gagged a little bit.

Curb Your Anger Over Opening Packages

2009-10-15T13:08:00.001-04:00

A Special Message To Larry David from Millie Garfield.

Sweet Horror Photo Blog

2009-10-12T17:12:00.002-04:00

The Joshua Hoffline Horror Blog. Awesome pics and behinds the scenes of the setups.

His Soul is Still Dancing

2009-10-10T20:44:00.000-04:00

John Rocker: Misunderstood Genuis?

2009-10-08T12:35:00.001-04:00

“Well,” he said, “you know all those dudes who dress as characters—Mickey and Goofy and Donald?”

“Sure. Of course.”

“Well, they’re all fucking faggots. Gay faggots.”

Jeff Pearlman revisits the article that brought John Rocker down.

nerdgasm

2009-10-08T03:20:00.000-04:00

Takashi Miike's Audition gets the 10 yr anniversary treatment. It's about time.

The Ducks In The Bathroom

2009-10-06T15:18:00.002-04:00

Quite possibly the best way to get your landlord off your back.

Garbage Fuckers

2009-10-02T17:16:00.001-04:00

More here about Harmony Korine's Trash Humpers.

Another Awesome Movie Poster

2009-10-01T15:57:00.002-04:00

from MyModernMet.com

Redneck Baby Names

2009-09-30T18:06:00.001-04:00

Oh my jesus I could browse this site for a hundred hours!

Thanks, Megan K!

Holy Shitballs This Looks Awesome!

2009-09-26T16:51:00.003-04:00

Afterschool.

Crushin on Pomplamoose

2009-09-25T19:55:00.002-04:00

Pomplamoose is all over some internets today with their wonderfully inspired cover of Single Ladies. If you haven't seen or heard these dudes, you should start seeing or hearing them.

Right. Now. Bitches.

Must Collect Parental Photos

2009-09-22T14:29:00.001-04:00

I have to submit something to this. My Parents Were Awesome!

This is Worse Than 9/11

2009-09-19T16:13:00.002-04:00

The Xbox 360 has a71% failure rate? Holy bejebus! This is higher than the previously predicted 54% failure rate. That's a lot of failing, Xbox. Get yo shit together, fool!

Prevent Assault!

2009-09-17T14:49:00.001-04:00

By following these ten simple steps, you can be sure to never commit sexual assault again (list by No, Not You).

Trash Humpers

2009-09-16T18:26:00.002-04:00

Harmony Korine's new movie, Trash Humpers, is already getting stellar reviews. I can't wait! He's calling it a "VHS Horror Movie." Yum!

Leave Kanye Alone

2009-09-15T13:04:00.002-04:00

"I won't go so far as to suggest that everyone was flipped out that this angelic little white girl (and she is super-cute) was accosted by a probably drunk—and definitely crazy—older black man. I'll keep that thought to myself, but I'll keep thinking it."

Choire Sicha weighs in on the whole thing.

from buzzfeed:

Deeply Rooted In The Community

2009-09-12T15:25:00.001-04:00

Some random drunk guy told me about this last night.

Amazing.

DidGlennBeckRapeAndMurderAYoungGirlIn1990.com

2009-09-11T03:19:00.001-04:00

This is the best meme ever.

Finally we'll get to the bottom of this whole "Did he or didn't he?" debate.

Knowing Me, Knowing You, Ah ha!

2009-09-08T00:56:00.003-04:00

KMKY with Alan Partridge on Dailymotion.

Rejoice!

Knowing Me Knowing U w/ Alan Partridge 1
Uploaded by filthish. - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

RIP Glenn Beck

2009-09-08T00:09:00.001-04:00

"Hopefully this will finally dispel the vicious rumors that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. RIP Glenn."

via @SeanBonner

And Poonhunter's Mouth Was Silenced

2009-09-06T15:01:00.003-04:00

The epic tale of how Poonhunter got banned from Battlefield 1943.

The full transcript.

Really?

2009-09-03T19:18:00.002-04:00

This song makes me lol. And also smiley face.

Immortality, Forever

2009-08-30T22:38:00.001-04:00

"In caloric restriction, mice are kept on a diet that is healthy but has 30 percent fewer calories than a normal diet. The mice live 30 or 40 percent longer than usual with the only evident penalty being that they are less fertile."

and

"Probably because of reductions in infant mortality and other types of disease, human life expectancy in developed countries has been on a remarkable, unbroken upward trend for the last 160 years. Female life expectancy at birth rose from 45 years in 1840 to 85 years in 2000."

from: The NY Times

Lying Liars

2009-08-28T16:02:00.001-04:00

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant –
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth’s superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind –
— Emily Dickinson (#1129)

Errol Morris: Seven Lies About Lying (An interview with Ricky Jay.)

Clooney Rockin The 'stache

2009-08-28T15:00:00.001-04:00

three frames

2009-08-27T16:31:00.001-04:00

Why does this bring me so much joy?

threeframes.net/

Holy Shit

2009-08-27T13:03:00.000-04:00

A Real-Life Survivorman-type-guy hits rock bottom.